Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Chimpanzee God

I find that Christian Evolutionist somewhat an oxymoron. Like you don't have a conservative liberal. Let me make my case:

If all beings came into existence through small evolutionary steps, then did god evolve too? Did he become something else through the Millenniums of human evolution? Then again, evolution is a process, where natural and environmental factors come into play, if god didn't reproduce and died many times over, he wouldn't be able to evolve.

Then the bible said "god created man in his own image". (Not women though, oddly enough, women came from a rib of Adam, apparently)

Because if god existed at the time of us coming into being, he would be a caveman. Wait, he'd be more primitive than a caveman. He would be a prehistoric primate.

Therefore, my conclusion is, god is a primate. And we should change the Hebrew scriptures, as well as all the bibles in the world. Every time there's a divine commandment, or when "god" said something, replace it with "ooh ooh ooh, aa aa aah" just like how a chimpanzee would sound like.
"And god said "ooh ooh oo, aa aa aah", and there was light"
(Even if it did evolve, we could never guarantee that it would be a human form right now, he could be a distant cousin of ours, like the Orangutan or something, and I'll have to change my post to The Orangutan God, or the Baboon God or something else)


redapes said...


I saw your chimp picture and thought you might appreciate seeing our little orangutan named Dodo. He's currently the king of the Orangutan Outreach homepage.

Orangutans are critically endangered in the wild. To learn more about them and see how you can help protect them, please visit our website:

Thanks! Rich

Richard Zimmerman
Director, Orangutan Outreach
Reach out and save the orangutans!
Facebook Cause:

Anonymous said...

No doubt everyone has the freedom of thought about anything, but I think one should study it in depth before drawing a conclusion. Watch your comments, young man !

JukeBox said...

Richard, thanks for dropping the link. Coming from the south east asia myself, we've been somewhat educated about it. Nevertheless, it is a really noble cause you guys are doing. Nevertheless, I got the chimp pictures via google.

Anon- you sound like a typical religious fundamentalist to me, I can't tell. But in any case, I am just poking fun at things that doesn't make sense to me. The post meant as satire, if you don't share the same sentiment, you are welcomed to NOT read my blog.

About this blog

A lot of stuff about what I think, and not what I am about. Which is good, because I would be able to make fun of Notre Dame, Wisconsin, Penn State, and discuss on our futility against Ohio State. (But Woo Shoelace!)

I still think the word "god" should not be capitalized, because like oxygen or air or universe, it's an entity, and is not specific or special in its meaning.