Insider: U - Michigan Biochemistry Department to develop anti viral vaccine.

Ann Arbor, MI- According to an insider at the U-M Biochemical research lab, U-M is currently developing an antiviral vaccine in light of coming events. U-M is slated to have an expedition squad into State College this Saturday. State College, home to the Pennsylvania State University, is a city infested with the T-virus, where victims of the horrid disease randomly attacks living human beings, and in the process transmit the disease to them.

Heavily geared and armed with rifles, grenades, and a lot of medipacks, the squad will attempt to remove any traces of the T-virus, amidst screams of "NOOOO!!!", "BRAAAINNNS!!", and "COME TO PENN STHAAATEE!"

T-virus is believed to have originated from Joe "Zombie King" Paterno and the virus quickly transmitted campus wide. The epidemic is quickly going out of control, and is believed to have escalated since it was first discovered 12 years ago. Each year, the U-M squad will attempt to suppress the crisis by obliterating any victims of the disease. For 12 years now, the Michigan squad has accomplished the mission, although not without close calls, as Michigan learned with a last second turn around in 2005.

Outlook for this years squad is bleak, as the T-virus has mutated significantly, with their new "Spread HD" which stands for Spread High Definition, meaning no human will be spared. Will the Zombie King finally reign control over humanity? Or will the Michigan squad emerge victorious, again? Only time will tell.

open letter to the politically unknowing malaysian

Dear friend,

Recently there has been some stuff that's been going on in the political scene in Malaysia, and one of the more recent ones has been the second arrest of Anwar Ibrahim, former deputy prime minister and a high profile gay rights activist under the suspicion of sodomy.

The day he was detained, there was a plan for a gay and homosexual rights rally demanding his release. However it was democratically dispersed by the government through the peaceful use of road blocks and tax payer's money in exchange for frustration and inequality.

However many of the supporters instead picketed the streets, holding up sign boards in support of Anwar. Some picketers can be seen holding up signs saying "Gay people make good PM", a woman in particular was seen holding a sign that reads "I wish I'm a man coz then I'd be gay for Anwar", and more noticeably some held pickets that read "Allah God Dumbledore is gay too"

The morale of the people are heightened by the recent events and confidence in the government is definitely instilled amongst the people.

Sincerely,
JukeBox

Ed note: Well this is one of the posts that reminds me that anonymity is everything in my blog, therefore it would be important to me for those of you who knew me to keep it to yourself.

in any case for the religious references, it was meant to be funny, so in any case don't be too offended by it ;D.

Universities in Malaysia to offer new course

Kuala Lumpur - July 2008: One year after the infamous court case of Altantuya Shaaribu, who was brutally murdered and her remains blown up with explosives, several universities in Malaysia has announced that they are going to capitalize on the creative resources of the country and offer a course in Explosive Arts and Creative Homicide.

A spokesperson for one of the universities detailed the courses in an attempt to woo new students said, "In terms of talents in using explosives and the amount of untapped ideas in ways to kill a person, Malaysia is one of the premiers in the world", he continued, "If we let these resources go to wast, (pause) it would be crime."

Addressing the subject on whether the courses would influence the public in the notion that the country does not care about high profile murder cases, the spokesperson replied, "In between blowing up a person with C-4s, and chopping up one's husband and placing it in the refrigerator in a house that is being defaulted, well I guess the issue should already be established in the Malaysian public's mind".

After detailing the course guides, the Creative Homicide course fashions a very special way of assessing the capabilities of the students by having them do a practical in lieu of a regular final exam. High fliers would be able to come up with completely new methods in killing a person, such as grinding up a victim in a human size blending machine, or maybe feeding a person to a tank of hungry mice. The projects will be judged based on novelty, gore and hilarity.

The universities are also trying to get one of the renowned politicians in the country to give a special guest lecture to the incoming class to start them off in the right direction. Quote, "it would be very influential, since it shows that even a country's leader would be able to spend time and effort coming up with smart ways to annihilate a fellow human. After all, he is a figure that Malaysians ought to follow."

Mike Hart to make up for 3 seasons worth of lost fumbles.

Orlando, FL. Jan 1, 08 - Senior Michigan tailback Mike Hart had his last game as a wolverine in the Capital One Bowl in an upset against 10 point favorite Florida team. He had 2 TDs and 2 lost fumbles, which is the most number of lost fumbles he had in 1 game. Hart started for the wolverines for 4 years, and he came into the game with only 1 career lost fumble, which came during his freshman year against Iowa.

The lost fumbles, though uncharacteristic, does not worry the Michigan fans as far as the game was concerned, as when the fumbles occurred, Michigan had both good field position and had a TD lead against #12 ranked Florida.

Both the fumbles were near the goal line, and roused suspicion from some fans that Hart is actually trying to make up his career worth of lost fumbles. After all, this is his last chance to tie things up as a wolverine. In his four years wearing the maize and blue, he had 3 career lost fumbles.

After the game, one of our reporters asked him if he fumbled the ball intentionally to keep up with the NCAA tailback average number of lost fumbles, he expressed curiosity in the national average, "What's the national average lost fumbles a tailback does in four years? ", when told that it is about 20-30 lost fumbles, he exclaimed "Darn, I tripled my career total but it wasn't even that close."

He later added that he was hoping no one would notice he deliberately dropped the ball near the goal line deep in their own territory, so that the wolverines could get the ball back on a safety or a punt. That way, he could accumulate more lost fumbles as he brings the ball all the way back to the goal line and lose it again. "We had to score a few more to keep Florida from being motivated to win the game though".

After the first lost fumble, he feigned surprise and kept saying he was already down when the ball came loose when he knew it was otherwise. "If the Florida defense knew what I was trying to achieve, they might not even try to tackle me at all, and I wouldn't be able to try to at least get to the national average, it would have been a disaster. Then I would run all over the field unblocked and untackled. I can't risk that happening"

When asked what sparked him to embark on such a voyage to pursue imperfection in his records, he said, "sometimes when you wake up and realize that you haven't lost a fumble in more than 3 years, there is a lot of catching up to do, and this game is my last in college after all."

He also said he was happy with his game and that no one saw through his ambition in tripling his career lost fumbles in one game.

Cry Baby Spartans

I don't feel any remorse, in fact I feel great pleasure at making babies cry, as long as those babies are from the self proclaimed "upstate rival" of ours at East Lansing.

Hoyer, the Quarterback from Michigan State remarked on the "little brother" comment by Mike Hart:

"Let's just put it this way, if anybody hadn't taken this personal up until this point, it's personal now," Hoyer said, with his voice starting to tremble halfway through his comment.

"Sooner or later, the little brother -- you want to put us that way -- you get pushed around enough, (Hoyer gulps with his eyes all red at this point) , the little brother fights back and kicks the other brother's ass."

He then covered his face with the palm of his hands and started sobbing loudly, finally letting out a loud cry, "waaaaa!!!". The crowd in the Press Conference looked in disdain, confusion, and some, with a smirk in response to the sudden weeping.

Yeah, crying after a game, calling things personal will actually help you beat Michigan. If I were you I'd use the extra time to watch film and taking reps on the practice field.

From some anonymous dude in North Campus,

Michigan - 109 Years Of Making Michigan State Babies Cry