Things I learnt or wish I learnt when I was in primary school

I haven't been posting so a supah long one for anyone who bothers. TLDR if you don't care but I don't care if you don't care.

1) To give it your best

When I was 5 or so, I just learnt how to write and I was doing working hard on my homework. It was to copy some sentences or so for the teacher. When I showed it to dad, expecting his approval and amazement at my amazing, never seen before work of art, his reaction was a meek "Why is the lines so squiggly, and what is this mark here and what is this annoying arrow sitting at the end of the page?". Well, maybe I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to perfect the curve of each of the "f" I wrote. Maybe the mark was left by the eraser the 20th time I tried to erase it to fix the crooked "I" that I just can't seem to get right, and maybe the arrow means there is more on the next page that he didn't care to read. I was young, and perhaps in hindsight, it really wasn't a piece of work,

Repeat, and rinse with the repeat discouragement in school, where "passing" generally means you don't get beaten by a cane. (In modern standards, that warrants a child abuse sentence and perhaps jail time). You got to wonder what would come out of education systems like that. So in the end, students try to hit a "safe", "good enough" level, so that you would "pass", and there is ABSOLUTELY no encouragement for you to excel above your classmates, and no encouragement to differentiate.

Time travel 20 years into the future, I'm working at college or at a company, my teammates would give encouragements when I do well, and perhaps then I started believing that maybe "doing my best sometimes would be enough". I got to say, sometimes even when I did something at 80% I would get a pat on my back, and that makes me want to go the full length in the future. Maybe this time you can try your best, and try for good, instead of good enough. I need to be reinforced that there's a lot more potential past the "good enough" boundary, and that if you try your best, sometimes, just sometimes, it's okay even if it's not good enough.

Sometimes I feel like there is something missing in me. That when I am leading by 18-9 points in a 21 point ping-pong game, I can somehow find a way to lose 21-19. That I'm afraid of giving my all just in case it still wasn't enough.

2) To use your resources wisely

I've heard stories where students were required to mug the logarithmic/root table, or that some students were required to memorize the periodic table of elements, or even worse, the pin-out of an Intel 8086 chip that has already been obsolete even before they started school. Whenever I hear stories like that, I immediately know how terrible the education system is. So your sole purpose in learning is so that you can spit it out chunks of utterly unoriginal information?

What I did learn when I was 9 was this - If you had to do something, you need to use the right tool with the right resources. I was given tasks to do, approximately with crude underestimation, 500-1000 questions per session. Students were routinely required to complete 10-20 pages of math questions of approximately 50 questions a page. Sure, they were simple multiplications. some of them just 2 digits x 2 digits multiplications.

What I didn't learn is to power through those questions with "blind RAGE and DETERMINATION". In the speed of what it had taken me then, probably an entire day, and I don't think the problem was me being lazy, the problem was the math questions being uninteresting. And I think when a 9 year-old is being bored, he's probably not learning.

I don't see what I could have learnt that a mere 10 questions could not have taught. So what did I do? In fearing punishment, I found a calculator. Then, there is also resource, and in learning to save a valuable resource in this case, all my play time. I learnt how to "imagine up awesome houses, beautiful childhood fictional plots and pretend I'm eating ice cream and candy", instead of pouring all the useful brain power into some eventually, as I think you might agree with me, mindless grunt work. :)

So what I really do nowadays, is to use a machine, and when I write code, well, as all engineers do, we use specific softwares. And when we do it, we try to take out all the grunt work by writing scripts/buy software/hire interns do the boring ones. And when we're lost, we ask the wise Mr. Google, instead of trying to duke it out with the various enigmas of quantum mechanics on our own. To realize that the power of one is limited, and that great knowledge can be stored and replayed on machines. Then, a calculator, and now the internet.

I sometimes pity those kids who did spend their time trying to do a 4x4 multiplication by hand. All several hundred of those questions, each of them taking half a page of work. So you can see that when math becomes somewhat more theoretical, kids that used to excel in math no longer does so. And that's because they can no longer rely on drills and mindless mechanics.

In short, humility that a there is probably someone out there with an elegant solution to your problem, and reaching out to them. And avoid doing grunt work, like washing your dishes.

3) To ask for help when needed

For some reason, I have in the past asked for help from a friend when I forgot my exercise book. In primary school, that equals to the death. And I don't remember the exact details, I think it involved me buying a new exercise book during recess, and I don't remember what I did, but in the end I recalled that my friend and I both got punished.

Eventually I somehow made it through secondary school, and that really took a toll out of me in college. To go through calculus 1 without asking for help from the lecturer or other classmates really was the toughest thing I could have done. Granted it's a weeder course, but I guess things somehow changed. Ask for help when you need them. Always.

Also thank the inventor for Dish washers.

Other little anecdotes:

Joe Montana was asked how he became clutch in games. His response is "through practice", essentially mindless repetitions. What he was doing is essentially an athletic response, do something a million times, and you're less likely to make an execution mistake. So what do you do when everyday you're faced with a different challenge? The answer is to go through not doing mindless repetitions, and solving each problem with nimbleness and flexibility.

Anecdote 2:

Multiplications. In college back at Malaysia, there's a lecturer of mine that does multiplication really fast. He has never taken those commercialized arithmetic classes. However, he also does not do his math through regular multiplications. I think he might have developed his own technique somewhere, but he can do multiplication of 2 3-digit numbers faster that the students can punch it into the calculator, and that without writing anything on the board (all in his head). Sometimes he makes mistakes though, but at that speed you gotta make some concessions :). Plus a certain floating point unit we know makes mistakes too. (Sorry for those of you who don't know the reference. Computer Geeks who didn't know this please return your licenses at your nearest geek office). The thing is, he never told us how to do it, then after a while, my classmates and I refused to use the calculator, but try to match speed with him, each of us devising our own multiplication strategy.

At one point, I tried to multiply to the nearest 10/25/50/100/150 .. etc big round number , whichever was easier to handle and I can get a quick answer, then from there we refine what I call "the remainder", which is the overcount or undercount of that approximated answer.

Essentially I simply the 3-digit or 2-digit numbers into 3 problems, a multiply of 2 larger, easier 3 digit number, a subtraction/addition, and a multiplication of 2 simpler numbers (usually 2-digits, occasionally 1 digits). And the wonder of all that, is that every question has a different optimal solution, and you don't have to be a super genius to think of the method. But I don't think anyone could still match his speed. After all, he's been doing that for many years.

Other rants.

Tiger Woods. He's not special, he is just slightly more gifted than us in golf. But I'm not here to talk about golf, I don't give a mouse's donkey about golf. Yes that's right, I am here to talk about his scandal.

When you think about it, it's almost a given fact that he's going to falter, he's young and successful in company of fame and wealth. When he had the first affair and it went unreported for years, it's only giving him more reasons to be braver, and this probably induced him to think he's untouchable. At that point, there's no limitations for him, and even if he knows it's wrong, it's just hard to stop. You can say it's wrong to murder, but anyone can tell you that "you have not been starving for 5 days and there's an old lady with a loaf of bread". That's probably a bad analogy, maybe trying to quit smoking is easier :), cheap, accessible, and you regret every one of it - also it's almost impossible to quit.

It's tough to put yourself in a perspective that is fair to Tiger, almost. I'm not endorsing his actions that's because I'm not. What he has done to his family was wrong and indefensible. Just that as a person, he's no better or worse than anyone else. Is he any more evil than the CEO that lays off thousands of employees just so that he can afford a better yacht? Is he less evil than the dictators that gassed subjects not loyal to him? I don't have the answers to any of this, I have not been in the company of power or fame or extreme wealth, I don't know if and when I'm in such positions, I have the clarity of mind to do the right thing.

But if you say "I'm never going to slip up, no matter what" today, then you probably will someday. The only defense is to realize that human will has a limitation and everyone will falter at some point, and we have to be prepared to face the challenges and temptations.

Will you be able to always make the right decision? For me, the answer will always be a resounding "No". I will not fall under the impression that I can always make the right decision, A decision, no matter how much I think it meant brilliance, good, and fair for me and for the world, can be of sheer stupidty, evil, and injustice. I have to know I'm capable of making the wrong decision, before I deserve to make the right one.

Wow, since when the government has a right to confiscate literature?

Main Article

If you read my blog, which I don't think you do, you probably know I have as much regard of the Christian faith as the next stray dog behind a dark alley, which is none. But with the recent seizing of the bibles because it translated "god" into "allah", it makes me ponder again.

How can something like this be justified at all?
*I thought we agreed on the freedom of religion? People can believe in anything they want, and yet they can't publish anything related to it. Come on, if they so wish to believe that Jesus H Christ is the immaculately conceived son of allah then let them be.

Why are we spending tax payers money to undertake something as pointless as this?
Again. Why are we banning fiction? Maybe the next thing you know they're banning fan fictions of Harry Potter because they claim that Dumbledore is gay. Maybe he is, I don't know, but it'd be funny.

Since when the word "allah" has been trademarked?
I think it's the same as any other names, Tom, or Dick or Harry. Do religions get corporate protection for their TMs? Maybe christians could file a patent on how to fight a crusade?





*only applicable to non-muslims

Happy Birthday Malaysia!

Happy 52nd Birthday!

I wish you a prosperous year, and hope that everything will be better this coming year.

However, sadly, even on the eve of possibly the most important day of the year, there were many things that were happening. First there is the cow-head incident. Some idiot think that trampling over a cow head is fun, apparently. I think the one thing Malaysians should have learnt over the years, is to engage in peaceful interfaith dialogues. Freedom of religion, and interfaith tolerance is still a big issue. That aside, where do atheists stand? Can I spread Pastafarianism back home? Will it become a real religion? Where do we draw the line between what's acceptable and what's not? Can I poke fun at other's religion, asking reasonable questions without insulting them? We can call ourselves a multicultural society (masyarakat majmuk) as much as we want but we all know it's not true, unless we can embrace the freedom of religion with open arms. Reform the Judiciary system. Abolish the Syariah courts. That should be the first step.

And then there's the ban on black eyed peas concert for Muslims and anyone under the age of 18. Don't get me wrong, I think they make horrible music, but that doesn't mean you could just ban them. Their new songs "Boom Boom Pow" has no melody to it and you could hardly call it a real song. The lyrics to "I got a feeling" has the vocabulary of a 6-year-old. Why are they banning it? Because it is sponsored by Guinness. How much more hilarious can this be? If you put a age limit on a concert, it has better be a good reason for it.

Those are social stand point on what has to change. There are a lot of other things that we should be looking out for either. Healthcare, Education. We have a lot of things that are lacking, but who are we to ask questions? In their eyes these are simple things that does not matter. For many years the only movements in terms of education is moving Math and Science subject from being taught in Malay -> English+Malay -> Malay. The last time I checked, this means there has been not much of an improvement.

Then, there was Proton, and its botched attempt 20 years in the making, to enter the Auto market. Is Proton too big to fail now? We've been giving them bailouts, tax protection (on competitors), subsidies, and still no cheese? While protecting an infant industry is a common thing in terms of economics, where do we draw the line? Do every single hard-working Malaysian out there who wants a car has to keep paying for this? Perhaps we got our pride in the way one too many times when VW came knocking?

Politically, this year, there's been a change in management. If you haven't heard, we had a new boss in the form of PM since March. Well, there are a lot of allegations of him being connected to a certain high profile murder of a certain model from a certain north asian country. And also allegations to corruption during his term as defense minister. I don't know which is worse. Nevertheless, he promised to change things around, maintaining "principles of intransparency and accountability". Lets see.

Anyway other tidbit.
1) Malaysia Truly Asia?
2) 1 Music in Malaysia - Yes to sugar, no to Petrol. We had enough, and as Najib said, cheaper petrol isn't the right solution. We should put a different mindset to this.

I try to not read all those "Proud to be Malaysian" fluff. "oh how we've came such a long ways since 1957 ... bla bla bla". I think of them as trying to rub the ego the right way, while ignoring all the wrongs that is happening. Perhaps, a little too idealistic, a little too perfect? One day, maybe, I can read it and feel the same. Not today, not now, reading them is akin to listening to a self-aggrandizing megalomaniac, and I feel sorry.

Anyway, Let us all strive for a better Malaysia tomorrow, and Selamat Hari Merdeka.

Hmm.. World Cup at the big house?

http://detnews.com/article/20090617/SPORTS07/906170383/1435/Ford-Field--Michigan-Stadium-possible-World-Cup-sites

Definitely something special. It's eventuality that the big house gonna get the recognition it deserves. People generally don't believe that Michigan stadium houses 100,000+ people when I tell them, but it's about time they do. It is probably bigger than any other olympics stadium you've ever seen.

link shows that we're #4, we used to be #3, until we reduced the capacity in the recent renovation. I think we might get to 110k capacity after the renovation though.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_stadiums_by_capacity



Yes, the list is world wide. IN THE WORLD! We're almost there. Penn State would probably be hit with the ridiculous ADA regulation to have at least 1% of disabled seating.


P.S. just to rant a bit:

To date I still think that's preposterous, since the wheelchair accessible seats has never been really filled during games. What motivation should there be to increase it? You can claim that the seats really isn't that accesible, but dude, if you can't fill 90 seats, you can't fill 1000 seats. And to add to it, for every 1 accessible seating that the stadium provides, it takes up space for 12 regular seating!

PLUS, the ADA wouldn't even settle for removable bleachers, if there were more demand for than necessary. Now that's just being obstinate and irrational. But what's done is done. If they wish so much for permanent seats that take away regular seating from fans that would definitely contribute to the atmosphere, and replace it with *gasp* 900 empty accessible seating, well, so be it. I seriously think lawmakers should repeal that law, since it unfairly discriminates against healthy, able people.

Bottom line is, having 12 regular enthusiastic fans (regardless of which team) not be able to get a seat because of 1 EMPTY disabled seat is just not fair. So unfair, it is stupid. Now that we've given you what you want, go find someone else to bug, after all, we don't have all day.

Crap, my post script message just got longer and longer. Anyway, until this law gets repealed, you'll hear no end from me.

Fanbases

It frustrates me somewhat when people decides to compare Michigan Fans to Buckeyes. Buckeyes harass opposing fans, I am sure *some* Michigan Fans heckle Ohio State fans and all but we definitely know where to stop at, simply because as Michigan fans if we see other fellow Michigan fans physically assault someone else we would stand up and tell them to stop and go away. We got a good fan base, and a more importantly a good reputation to uphold.

Have I ever seen someone poking fun at Michigan St fans? Yes. Have I told Sparties and Buckeyes they can't read or write? Yes. But when it comes down to throwing beer over someone elses back in the middle of winter, you know it ain't cool. It ain't right throwing punches and shoving others. And you know what? Buckeyes they don't care, they don't mind a few opposing fans being roadkill.

Sparties are a rowdy bunch, and yet they still behave better than buckeyes. We'd be fine in Illinois, Purdue, and even Notre Dame, because at least fans there are cultured and will stand up to their own if anyone goes out of line. In terms of fanbases of all the sports school, Ohio State has got to have one of the worst. Maybe not as bad as some of the southern states school, but close.

Over and over again, I've heard bad things happening to Sports fans (in general, not just Longhorns and Wolverines) from Cbus, but never anything from East Lansing, South Bend, USC, Florida, and any of the big time football schools. I sincerely believe NCAA, Big Ten Conference or local authorities should incur penalties against schools with fan bases that becomes violent and endlessly harass its opponents.

I'd like to hear what fans of other schools that has visited Ann Arbor has to say about its fans.

Go Blue. We're the leaders and best.

I broke my tennis racket

=(.

That means I get to buy a new one.

=)

But that racket IS a new one

=(

But now you get to buy a newer one

=)

Judicial System

While I don't suppose every murder trial to be explainable what the motives are, like how 2 step brothers could just jest around and ending up having one kid being a lifer and the other dead, while it was definitely not by accident, it still does not justify locking that kid up for life.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/08/teens.life.sentence/index.html

and then of course, there are some trials in which some judgements has been passed to appease the blood thirsty public in the name of doing their job.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123924447581803965.html

How did 2 law enforcers, who were expected to keep the streets clean of criminals become cold blooded murderers themselves without any reason to do so? Unless the judges dealing them the death penalty card is a method of negotiating for them to come clean with who's the puppeteer, I don't see how this is even justified. They're just hired guns. Fodders. Sacrificial lambs to appease the media's lust for blood.

Pawns like them are what I would refer to as the limbs of the criminal organization. In fact by severing the limbs from the body, it could as well set free the evil to commit atrocities once again. Why don't they interrogate them? lock them up for 10 - 15 years, loosen them up in order to get more information on who/what motivated them in the first place. Plus, keeping them shackled puts weight over their "employers". Keeping them is like keeping their part of the siamese insurance, a deal in which either side could muster enough evidence against the other, in which both parties are joined together, inseparable forever, like a siamese twin. Lock one up and you'll have a criminal mastermind that can't sleep at night. Get rid of one, and you'll be doing the other a favor.

Unless the end result is to negotiate an appeal with the 2 cops, I still don't see why we need to put them to the axe. They don't deserve such a harsh punishment, the one who orchestrated it does.

Headache la.

Why so mafan one

Green gooey water tastes like Wasabi

Dude, so there's this water cooler, that NO ONE has ever used. If anyone has ever used this water cooler he'd be as pissed and as grossed out as I am now. I have a pretty high tolerance for gross stuff. And this just ranked pretty high up in my list.

So I don't usually just drink water fountain without looking at it first. Usually I let the water flow for a while before drinking it. But the water cooler apparently is very familiar with my habit and decided to play a prank on me.

For the first 5 seconds the water is clear, and nothing odd came around. but when I put my mouth there and starting to take in some of the water, there comes the horror. Green, GREEN gooey yellow olive green colored HORROR!

it tastes like wasabi. Macha, moss, gross moss, tastes like goose poop.

If u tell me that's the elixir of immortality, i'd still not drink that.

I might be renovating, but it's still years too early...

On the subject of Charlie Weis getting another year, another shot at being the Head Coach of the Notre Dame football. And why he deserves nothing less than a humiliating exit from his alma mater.

First read this

Now, I said: "I feel sorry for Irish fans, for they have to endure fat Charlie for another season", someone told me this "Don't throw bricks if you're living in a glass house". I beg to differ.

- He's been there for 4 years now, the first two years, he did pretty well, going to BCS bowl games on Ty Willingham's players!! And when his own recruits came in and tried to play, he went 3-9 and 6-6. And then he had the audacity to blame Ty for leaving the cupboard bare.

- And then, he published a book at the end of the 3-9 season, titled "No Excuse" and said "We'll beat Michigan and listen to their excuses" and the infamous "To Hell with Michigan". No doubt, he later retracted it, but it's no reason for firing, really.

- Two years back, after his narrow loss to USC, he was awarded a 10 year contract, with an undisclosed buyout amount. It has been reported to be higher than usual, and some said it was in the 15 million range, which is not plausible.

Quote ESPN columnist Pat Forde
"After that last-second, three-point loss to Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush, Weis declared that anyone expecting him to be happy with a moral victory would be wrong. After losing by 35 here, Weis sounded like a guy begging to be granted a moral victory. "I think one of the biggest aspects of today was whether we're going to play with passion and emotion," Weis said. "From the beginning of the game to the end of the game, we played with passion and emotion."

Very well. He deserves to go, but rumors say that his buyout is too expensive for him to be removed. He had worst record than Ty, had more talent on his roster, and yet he still failed to perform. Plus he had time for his scheme to set in. I guess, it's not plausible to run a 7 year plan on 4 year student athletes.

Now on Michigan

- Now, Rich Rodriguez has always asserted that the on-field performance of the players reflects the preparation of the coaching staff, and he said everything that has to go right has to start with him.

- 2 his contract states that he'll have 6 years, with 4 million buyout, with decreasing buyouts from year 4 onwards (2.5 million and 500 grand less every consecutive years). If you don't realize, if RRod doesn't do well for 4 years, he'd be out the door with 2.5 mil. If he does bring Michigan football to new heights, he'll be offerred probably better pay and a longer contract at the end of his 3rd year. That's planning, not a 10 year contract on an almost win against USC.

- Now. He is only in his first term, with virtually no talent at important positions. It's not Lloyd's fault so many players left, but these things are somewhat expected.

- So ND lost to syracuse, we lost to Toledo, I call it a tie, but with such difference in context, we can only call Weis a flop, and Rodriguez an occurrence. I am not saying this term is a success, because it isn't. Any year that we don't beat OSU isn't a success.

Now, if you tell me we should fire Rich Rodriguez after his first year, you got to be kidding me. YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. No glass houses here.

Microsoft Windows Update

Is amazingly lousy. First they wanted me to install whatever genuine advantage blah blah blah, then I used it to install the new SVGA card driver, and then you know what happened? It completely disabled my video card.

Hey, geniuses at Microsoft, thanks for nothing.

Some point in time...

Some time before the Notre Dame game last year, I made myself a promise that I am not going to make fun of Duke football if we got out of a 0-3 hole. In many levels I have kept that promise, but regardless, please read this article.

Similar to some people's indignant refusal to make fun of the physically disabled, mentally challenged, and Charlie Weis, I have also started to understand the pain and the unfair treatment of some more prominent characters, like Sarah Palin. Well, in her defense I knew a lot more about her, due to the media coverages on her, mainly due to her being unpolished. And many people mistake that a leader's trait is to be a charismatic talker, instead of being able to make good decisions during crunch time. Hell, Ellen Degeneres is a great speaker that conveys her points clearly, and could be politically correct and charismatic if she so wish to be, but will she make a good president?

So, if like many fanboys, you'd break someone down with slippery slopes, red herrings and generally degenerative comments, it doesn't make you any more right or your subject any more wrong. So, voter should take care to understand what Sarah Palin would really represent, than to listen to the media bullshit.

K, I am not a fan of hers, but just to point out that there is a lot more to politics than smooth talking.

Anyway my rant somehow traversed across sports to politics, but I want to point this out: Charlie Weis is still fat, and Notre Dame still sucks, and Corwin Brown is a U-M mole.

42

When I was younger, and was in elementary school, secondary school, I didn't accomplish a lot of things that I would reflect upon and be proud. My grades weren't bad, but regardless it was something I didn't spend a lot of energy and effort into. My life revolved around going to school, going home, playing around with some stuff, watch TV, go tuition and sleep. When I did engage in activities outside of school, like Taekwondo, Chess, Tennis, I didn't bother seeing them through. In some sense, I was a quitter, but in my defense no one has ever taught me not to quit. Everyone condoned it, and said it's fine to stop doing something because my body ached, or because I can't get my serves right, or if I simply could not stop my hands from shaking when a desperate situation calls for good moves. I hit a wall and I stopped.

To some extent, my biggest failure, was actually not trying harder after I failed. I've seen people winning medals in state level competitions, known people that are actually good at doing what they do. And then I looked upon myself and I was like, maybe it wasn't for me. I just can't be an overachiever, but in reality I just didn't have the heart to continue. I turned to my academics and with little effort I scored good grades and it gave my undeserving pride a large boost. And looking back it was hard to deal with a kid like me, especially when I am just slightly better in learning. Classmates were complaining that I didn't have to study, and were saying that it was "unfair". To some extent, I agree with them.

Fast forward and I am in college back in Nilai. I was taking a calculus class and unlike me a term before, I actually paid attention in class and studied, instead of loafing and doing nothing like what I did in secondary school. But when the midterm came I couldn't perform, simple calculations took a lot of time, and I was scared, but I wasn't too worried. I have never done truly awful in my exams.

But on that fateful day, and it was about 5 years back, when the Calculus exam came back. When I saw the grade, it stung really hard as I have never gotten a failing mark in math. I left the classroom with tears running down my cheek and when I entered the men's room I couldn't control myself. It took a while before I got a grip on myself. That time, I saw my own reflection in the mirror and man, did I not look pathetic. Perhaps math was the last thing I could tell myself I am actually good at. Perhaps I just couldn't accept that I am just not good at anything in life, or even worse, I just can't take that I can't be good at something even though I've spent a fair share of my time at it. A friend of mine saw me weep and cry, but he's just making sure I was not going to anything stupid. I never really told him but I appreciated his gestures, and I was grateful for that ever since.

Perhaps I had limited choice. I could either accept the fact that I am a loser and move on with life, or I could try to not be a loser, to prove a point that I have been trying to disprove all my life. Well maybe I just didn't have a lot of choice, coming out of a family of overachievers. My lecturer, who was a really nice guy, gave us a chance to take another exam, and I gave everything I had at it, spent a lot of time, clawed and scratched my way back. Long story short, I squeaked out an A at the end of the term, and had good grades for my my math courses until my time there was done and me flying here to A2.

At the end I learned that the only way for a person to go ahead is only through competition, and through not giving up. But soon things went well for a period of time and the valuable lessons learned through pain and tears were soon forgotten. People grow complacent in false sense of securities. I suppose it's time to find where I am, again. People calling me losers or quitter got it right, but I have seen worse forms of myself, and I'll do what I can to dig myself out of the hole.

This is my story, as everyone has their own story of struggles and survival. But maybe the answer to all doubts within the universe and mankind is indeed, 42.